Ravens Vs Steelers: The Rivalry?

This is a guest post by my wonderful hubs Joe. He is awesome. Without further ado...

Hello. My name is Joe. I would like to take a moment to explore the reality of the Pittsburgh Steelers / Baltimore Ravens rivalry on this day; September 11, 2011. Some of you may be wondering: ‘Gee Joe, I know that it’s regarded as the best rivalry in the National Football League, and you are from Baltimore. Is it really as great as they say it is?’ After today’s game I must sadly decline any credibility to these claims. Please allow me to elaborate. Ahem………

DO YOU SEE THIS FUCKIN FACE?!?!!?!?

THIS FACE?!?!?!?

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?!?!?!?

CAN YOU GET A CLEAR VIEW OF THIS FUCKIN FACE?!?!??!?!?! HUH?!?!?!?!

THEN YOU HAVE NOW SEEN THE FACES OF CHAMPIONS. FREDDY MERCURY’S SPIRIT IS SPRAYING PLASMIC GHOST TEARS OF JUBILATION ALL UP IN THIS BITCH BECAUSE HE REALIZED THAT HIS SONG HAS A TRUE MEANING. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!!!!!1!!1111!!!!!! Erm…..Pardon me, I must have blacked out. As I was saying, I would sadly have to deny these claims. For there to be a proper rivalry you must have 3 key factors covered in order to compose it: 

#1 An elongated dislike for the opposing team. I’ll give you this one. Check.

#2 A tribal, almost primal aversion to the opposing team’s fans. History lesson:

The Indianapolis Colts were once the Baltimore Colts. Wiki answers states, "The Colts moved from Baltimore, MD to Indianapolis, IN on March 29, 1984. They left Baltimore in the middle of the night, roughly around 2:00 am”. Naturally, Baltimoreans were angered by this for years to come. As part of the healing process however, the people of the great state of Maryland needed a team to call their own, and some of the weaker-willed reached out for anything to fill the void left by Colts.

            Baltimore used to be among the greatest steel towns in America, as was Pittsburgh. The Bethlehem Steel Corporation was the link between our two great cities. Pittsburgh was/is one hell of a steel producer (a very hard working town), and Baltimore was/ is one of the greatest ship building ports in the world (also a hard-working group of individuals). This link caused many people from Pittsburgh to move to Baltimore. "Beth Steel" was open 1857-2003. So naturally, we have some old school roots when it comes to intermingling with one another. This being said, many of the Colt-less turned to the Steelers for lack of another option (Philly is close to here as well, but the EAGLES? Seriously?). Then the Ravens came along. The above mentioned “intermingling” turned into a cesspool of shit-talking, and with colors to define our allegiance, and a team for Baltimore to call it’s own, the tribal effect was put into place. So……Check.

#3 A Pair of evenly matched teams. Ummmmmmmmm…………………

WHAT THE FOOK DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT THIS FACE!??!!1!!!!? A BALTIMORE RAVEN BABY, THAT’S WHAT!! WE USED THE SQUEELERS LIKE FUCKIN TOILET PAPER TODAY. I WOULDN’T EVEN CONSIDER THEM TWO-PLY, THEY’RE MORE LIKE THAT FUCKIN SANDPAPER T.P. YOU GET WHEN YOU STUMBLE ACROSS A SHITTY GAS STATION OFF OF I-95 CAUSE YOU CAN’T HOLD IT ANY LONGER, AND THEN YOU GO INTO THE BATHROOM AND THE ONLY TOILET PAPER IS SITTING IN A PUDDLE OF SOMETHING YOU REFUSE TO IDENTIFY AS SOMEONE’S PISS. WE MADE YOU DANCE AROUND LIKE YOU WERE ON AN EPISODE OF GLEE, SINGING A COVER OF DON’T STOP BELIEVING: AWKWARD AND GIRLY. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR GETTING PAID NFL MONEY AND PLAYING LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKER PUNCH THROWIN’, BAD SPORT, BUTT HURT LITTLE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............

Sorry, I must have blacked out again. No check mark for #3. Thus concludes my explanation.

Good day,

Joe


In case you missed it, you can find a re-cap of the game here.
Thanks, Joe!