Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The Summer of No Cooking Episode I: ...Cooking

Have you reached the point where you do not feel like cooking ever again for the rest of the entire summer (or let's be honest, your life)? Was that breaking point approximately 3 weeks ago? Have you not made anything for dinner that took more than 15 minutes since that very date?

Me too, my kindred spirit. Me too.

Due to this elongated and potentially permanent case of The Summer Lazies, I, Mrs. S. J. Poopy-Shit, Esq., officially dub Summer 2012 The Summer of No Cooking.
Ok I lied. It's pretty much impossible to never cook for an entire summer (especially if you eat fried eggs for breakfast every.single.day.). But I will dedicate this summer to cooking as little as possible. And maybe, if you're lucky, I will bring you along for the ride. But don't hold me to that. My history shows that I am anything but a consistent blogger.

And in being true to myself and keeping it 110% real, I will start out this series (If you can call something with no guaranteed part 2 a series) with....cooking. I know. I am a liar. But I promise, the cooking is minimal. And besides, I'm not even sure it can be called cooking; more like un-rawing some chicken. So that we don't die. Totally does not count.

Anyways, here's to no cooking, part uno!

On today's menu:
Chicken Caprese
(Kind of)

It's not like I followed a recipe or anything. That would be against the no cooking rule. Recipes = cooking. Heating up raw chicken to kill bacteria = un-rawing. Just to reiterate, totally not the same thing.

Here are the steps to making this un-rawed but totally not cooked meal:

1. Get home from work. Throw your shit on the floor. Greet your totally amazing pooch. Watch her do the Winnie pants dance (similar to this). Take her for a walk. Pick up her poop in little plastic bags. Sweat your balls off. Remind yourself that this is why you aren't going to cook. This step is vital. It's real life, B.

2. Open a package of chicken thighs. Dump into ziplock. Pour in some shitty salad dressing that you bought thinking you'd like, but that actually sucked balls. "Light" anything works well. Even creamy light Caesar. Don't be scurrrrrred. I used some crappy vinaigrette we will never actually put on lettuce. Ever. Put that chicken back into fridge. Carry on with your evening for a little bit.

3. Un-raw that chicken in a skillet until it will no longer kill you.

4. Cut some grape tomatoes in half. Mix with some fresh mozzarella balls. Tear some leaves off of the barely-surviving-the-heat-basil plant you have on the patio. Throw that shit in too. Pour in some olive oil and balsamic if your feeling fancy.

5. Take out some plates. Throw some fresh spinach on that bitch, then some chicken, then that other shit you made.

6. Eat that shit. Munchy. Chewy. Yummy.

Ingredients: 8
Prep time: 45 secs
Cook Un-rawing time: 15 minutes
Dishes dirtied: skillettongsbowlspoon2forks2knivescuttingboard 9


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